Friday, December 19, 2008
I said it would be better if we weren't friends, not that i didn't want to be.
18.12.2008
Plan for the day:
-Watch “twilight” with the cousins.
-and maybe go to kaka muizzah's bebadak if not too tired.
It could have been a 2 years and 2 months thing. But I guess, it wasn’t meant to. At least, not now, maybe later, I hope. I invited baz to watch twilight with us. Not really sure why, but somehow I wanted him to, well. . . just be there. Haha. Jiwang. But honestly, I did. He didn’t join us for lunch at pizza hut, saying that ia “malu udah to be around the cousins”. Hmph. Whatever that means. So, lunch was fun. Hehe. Had pizza. Duh. and then TER-nampak izun with her brothers, abang gg and razi, and oh gawd, Edward brunei!haha. banar. Kan sama pulang. The hair, and the eyes. But not so with the lips. Haha.
Anyways, movie starts at 2.45. Baz met us di cineplax. He sat next to me, seat B12. He kept bothering me during the movie, trying to talk to me and everything. Pushed him away, telling him I wanted to enjoy the movie. He sat silent for a while. Then ada this scene, where Edward was dining with si bella. Rupa nya baz had watched the movie, and I guess he memorized Edward’s line. Starting from “its becoming hard for me to stay away from you. . .”up to “youre exactly my brand of heroin”. At the same time, my hand somehow drew up to his, and next thing I knew, he gave me a peck on the lips as I turned to face him. Surprised, I pulled my hand away, and became very upset. Why, you ask? I have no idea. I was just so mad, not sure at whom, maybe him or maybe me, or maybe cause I missed a second of the movie. Whatever it was, it got me so damn pissed off.
When the movie ended, I kinda cooled off, I guess. I liked the fact that he was there, for me. So, he walked with me to best eastern, near the new fun donuts stall on the ground floor where we were meeting syima and tkah who are tumpang-ing home with us. We talked about this “kitten” book di best eastern, and how cute we thought they were. Then abang kayrul waved telling me it was time to go. I guess baz saw it too, that when I turned to say goodbye, he was no where to be seen. It made me feel so down. I felt like crying right there and then. Seeing a new, huge, pink teddy bear in syima’s hand wasn’t making me any better. Don’t get me wrong. I feel happy for her, she finally found a guy who would cater to every thing she needs and wants. But, somehow, deep within, I hated the fact that she was the one holding that pink thing, and not me. You could say I was jealous. Shit. That’s the truth, and I hate it. I hate myself for hating others of their happiness. I know, you must think I’m selfish in my own ways. Maybe I am, or maybe I’m still confused after the break up. Sigh. Whatever. Better find something better to do and fast.
In the car, I couldn’t hold it anymore. I swear I heard that pink teddy taunt me, “you want me?doncha?well, you cant have me!”. Shit. If it wasn’t pink or belonged to syima, I would’ve shredded it to pieces. Banar. All I could do was put on my ipod at its loudest, and held back. But I really couldn’t. The voices were literally in my head. Playing over and over again. So I cried, gasping in between the sobs, I knew they heard me. I wish they didn’t. My body was shaking, I knew tkah must have felt it. Oh shit.oh shit. I had to pull myself together. We’re almost there.
Arrived at Serusop,( with not a single tear at sight.phew~ )to meet and surprise Kaka bell, abang kayrul’s new girlfriend. She seems like a fun gal. =3 We were planning on giving the fun donuts as a surprise. She was working as a sales girl at Vincci, yeah, the shoe store. Seems like she knew what was coming, smiling at us in all sorts of smiles. Hehe. My plan was to exsen-exsen act suspiciously and then go up to the counter, with the most expensive piece of shoe there and casually go “hi salesgirls, what if kami bagi kita these fun donuts as payment for these lawa shoes?”*kirai-kirai*. Tapi nya~ si kayrul anie spoil cia jua, diri-diri arah front window of the store, smiling-smiling lagi tu. Haiya. Rusak lah plan edah. Flushed down the drain. So, we hurried to the counter with our widest grins. And said “ kita nurul syahmimi? Surprise!!(holding up the donuts)”. Haha. Left kayrul with the salesgirl, while we went to hua ho, across the road, to find something fascinating to buy, just to finish off some off our money. Haha. Syima and tkah, and nurul and wardah.,had something “important” to buy, like groceries and stuffs. I didn’t. haha. so, I browsed around some Barbie dolls and stuff. Then syima, me and tkah came around something we had wanted dari masa atu udah. “BUBBLES”!! Haha. I know. Xp tapi its fun, and so wow. Bubbly. Hehe. So, I bought syima and tkah one too. Mine, of course, is the pink bottled one. LOL.
That night, I didn’t really do much, just munched on MY cookies, and chatted. (: . . . . .
*sigh* wonder what he’s thinking of now? Haha. Day by day, I’m getting more and more confused. What am I supposed to do really? And which path did I take? Was it a good one? What must I hope for? The best?What is the best? Questions!Questions! and NO answers at all. How frustrating. Haha. Oh god, what am I supposed to do? Being close to him, well, it hurts, but being away from him hurts as well, is there an in between close and away? Cause if there is, tell me. I need to know. The feelings driving me crazy, y’know. Even when I distract myself with some other stuffs, somehow the feelings keep rearing inside of me. Sorry if I’m being such a whine and so over-dramatic. But seriously, what the hell is going on with my life???
Oh yeah, got pictures of the oh-so-fun-day. But its not with me, maybe I’ll post it next time.
Labels: bazedz, cousins, fun, love, mall
I LOVE YOU 6:32 AM
